Ejaculation is the natural culmination of a sexual act on a man’s side, be it intercourse or masturbation. It’s the vehicle of pleasure that all of us men are looking for in sex, the ultimate goal of all courtship rituals and the imperative command of our instincts. There are many ways to achieve ejaculation, ways that we have learnt from necessity and out of curiosity.
However, not everything is as good as it looks. Sexual dysfunctions are more and more common in today’s world. There may be some truth to the statement that the rising number of psychological and physical dysfunctions are the price we’re paying for the lifestyles of urban sprawls and for the ongoing pollution of our planet. But regardless of how we got here, let’s discuss a certain sexual dysfunction called “delayed ejaculation”. The term refers to the inhibition of ejaculation, which is the unfortunate situation when a man cannot ejaculate for some reason or other.
The most common form of delayed ejaculation makes the man unable to ejaculate in the presence of the partner. If the man can ejaculate well enough alone, using self stimulation, then it stands to reason that the causes for this dysfunction are purely psychological. Most men suffering from this kind of hang-up either have deep religious backgrounds and have been taught that sex is sin or simply are not attracted enough to their partners. There are also cases when traumatic events have led to this dysfunction. Men who found out that their partners were having affairs or who have been caught themselves during illicit sex or masturbation may feel too traumatized to achieve ejaculation.
Other men, however, cannot achieve ejaculation while masturbating, despite the fact that they have normal sex lives with their partners. Some of the causes mentioned above also apply in this case, especially being caught masturbating or being hampered by a religious background. Most religions consider masturbation to be sinful and wasting and teach their members that such practice is to be avoided. Some go to great lengths to discourage masturbation and other forms of sex.
In such cases willpower is not enough to force the body to feel something that isn’t there and it’s not a good idea to force yourself anyway. It might work once or twice, but that’s about as far as this approach will take you. It’s far better to seek professional help than to suffer in silence. Therapists can suggest a way out of the problem by discussing the situation at length with both partners.
The basic idea of the treatment is to teach the two partners about sexual stimulation and response in order to help them understand their own needs. Instead of using willpower to force the mind, the partners should focus on their ability to create an intimate setting that would provide ideal stimulation and so solve the problem.
Men can certainly use this approach on their own, although the risk of failure is significant. There are little tricks everybody can use to bring sex closer to an ideal situation. Relaxation always helps, which means that candle-lit rooms, romantic dinners, a bit of alcohol and perhaps some porn could prove very helpful, if both partners agree on this approach. Avoid delicate issues in conversation and focus on having fun in a relaxed way. Hug and caress instead of rushing to the sex part and be sure to take your time.
Another thing that might help is to train your pubococcygeus muscle and bring it under your control. Being able to relax and tense that muscle at will is likely to help in some cases. The PenisHealth exercises program features a series of very good exercises designed to train the PC muscle.